Amy (softheartedgrrl) wrote,
Amy
softheartedgrrl

I don't know why, and this seems so morbid to me, but I keep thinking about the details of my Dad's death, from the way he looked laying there to when the nurse came in and said it would be an hour or two...she showed us his legs and how there was no blood flow, his hands were purple.. I can't even begin to explain what it was like to see him like that, virtually unrecognizable to me, he was skin and bones and his neck was elongated and the mouth was circled. It's like a nightmare image in my mind. And yet, I cannot stop thinking about it. It's so fucking awful to me. And now I'm reading online about the stages and signs of death. I just don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I am just getting sick thinking of tomorrow. Thinking of seeing him in the casket, thinking of seeing all those people, getting hugs, I just wanna puke.
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